Dear Humility,
I’m very aware of the fact that I have a deeply profound grasp of the English language, and that I exhibit masterful skill when it comes to writing letters such as this.
Please except my sincerest apologies for not corresponding with you sooner, but it seems that everyone always wants to hang out with me. I guess that’s the price that comes with being a border-line genius. Yeah, I know that it might seem a little bit weird that I’m saying that. I prefer to throw in the word “border-line”, because being humble is how I roll. I guess that nobody has actually used the word “genius” either. But I can read people pretty well if I do say so myself…but whatever…that’s all beside the point.
The real reason I’m writing is that I’m wondering if you could become my “fan” on Facebook. I say some crazy-witty things on there, and it just kills me to think that you might actually be missing out. While you’re at it, you should go ahead and put me in your Top 8 Myspace friends too…because you can’t deny that I am the pinnacle of perfect friendship. Oh, and I’m sure you’re following me on Twitter. My daily musings are as rich as Solomon…or Donald Gates…or Bill Trump…or…
I’ve always prided myself on just being there for people, and that’s why I want to be there for you. I want to just be there, and ask you, “So, what do you think about me?” Then we could get into fantastic conversations that I always lead…because I’m a real good “convo-leader”, if you don’t mind me taking the small liberty of coining my own phrase.
Well, I’d love to keep writing, and I’m sure you’d love to keep reading. I know that even one of my common letters puts Shakespeare to shame. But the mirror is calling…and who can blame it really? It’s not like every mirror on the planet gets the chance to reflect a face as handsomely deadly as mine.
Hope you can talk about…umm…to…me soon,
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Posted on
Fri, November 27, 2009
by Garrett Johnson